So, incase you’re unaware, there’s this writer guy named, Stephen King, (I think). Anyway, I hear he’s had some success in the adaptation from (his) books to film department. However, The Dark Tower series, as generally referred to as – King’s “Magnum Opus”, will probably have a grim future of ever being translated to movies. In ‘07 or ’08, possibly even as early as ’06, news started circulating that those two “dweebs” from ABC’s “LOST” were going to tackle the project, but J – “squared” Abrams has backed away from doing the project. Pretty much ending any more buzz. His reason, somewhere along the lines of not wanting to commit so much time in developing another complex story. I wondered why? I had heard epic tales of this story, and, I gladly would have been intrigued enough to invest a decade of MY OWN life watching and following these films. Effects alone would be entertaining. I became sooo interested; I decided to give these 7 novels a go. A month and some change later, I closed the final book and said, “I don’t see how this can ever be made into a movie” I now understand. I have my reasons; so, here they are, as I see it.

*Spoiler Alert! This is not a review, BUT, if you haven’t read, and are planning to read these books, some parts and plot points are given away, trust me; it won’t ruin the series for you.

VII

Did you Hear?

Music Rights - Throughout these books so many great music references are used. While reading, I made a – quote – un – quote soundtrack, compiling tracks for a Dark Tower play list to really get me pumped for the books, especially the 7^th. I’m afraid though; the juggernaut of artists and their songs referenced, as well as heard throughout the series would cost too much moola. The whole rights debacle would be nothing but a hassle sorting out. While the music is a subtle addition, it is an essential part of the story. Here are some names of the artists:

The Beatles

The Rolling Stones

Elton John

Dean Martin

The Tokens

Ozzy Osbourne

ZZ Top

To name a few…

VI

Too Much To Cover – While there are only 7 books total, (not talking graphic novels or other publications) there could easily be 10 movies made. So much would have to be compromised between the books and films, that many assets that add charm, and mystique to the story and the characters, would be lost. I mean it’s just not worth it. You would end up seeing only the broad strokes, giving this story, in my opinion, and entire different feel. Unlike the Harry Potter series that tends to move along in order, which makes it a lot easier to make into a film, The Dark Tower series jumps around too much. There would be no real discretion as to what is exactly the usable stuff. It all seems important. Chaos could only follow. Other speculation of turning this project into a television series hatched, still, I don’t foresee it holding true to doing any more justice for The Dark Tower.

V

Wizard and Glass

The fourth book of the series, and my personal favorite, would be butchered. How do you suppose that, an anticipating audience, (the one’s that haven’t read the series), see three films about an awesomely building journey come to a head, only to be halted with an entire movie devoted to back-story? Yes, what would be the expected fourth film would spend most of the time talking about the main character, Roland’s, coming of age. Over the course of close to 800 pages, only about 200, sort – of – advance the story. I am aware of the magic of filmmaking, and I’m sure all of the back-story could be revealed little by little throughout the films, but what a big F-you to the ones that read the books! It would not make much sense, since the first three books build on Roland “opening up”.

I don’t know what I’d do if Susan Delgado’s character weren’t justified properly.

IV

Rating – Let’s face it, any big successful series usually only presses PG-13 these days: Star Wars, Harry Potter, Batman, Spider-man, and Lord Of The Rings, for off-hand references. Why? Well perhaps money. Sure, a broader audience makes more dough. Something kids and their folks can get behind! – and I know what you’re thinking, what about your Die Hard’s, Blade’s, Jason – Freddie’s, Lethal Weapon’s… okay, I get it, there are R movies that work, but can they really compare, money wise, to the others? No. So what does any of this have to do with The Dark Tower? Well it would be a tough decision making it a PG-13 rating and keeping in all the grittiness that defines The Dark Tower. You also couldn’t jump from PG to R, what’s the point. It would be like giving your kid 100 pages from the entire series and saying, “There you go kiddo, the great story of The Dark Tower!” What a let down!

With the budget cost alone, it would seem these movies would have to be PG-13 and no worse. There goes the aura that is Roland of Gilead (Not having read the graphic novels, I can’t really say if they stay true to the books, or if they have been toned down for kids. I hope they haven’t).

III

King Himself...

Yes that’s right, Stephen King is IN the story! As if people needed any more excuses accusing King of being pretentious. While, it’s not like that at all, it would be very off-putting, and might be taking a huge gamble among the trust of moviegoers. Sure it works for the books, because those who are reading, generally, want to be reading King, they made the choice (but, even then, it’s hard to swallow). For others not aware that King is notorious for these kinds of moves, they might crab at seeing King, and question the whole point and credibility of the story.

Plus, King acting, c’mon, really?

…Fruit for thought though, I’d imagine.

II

Casting/Directing

Finding actors to do these roles justice, while, I’m sure they’re out there, getting them to sign on for probably the next 10 years of their lives, would be tricky. Let’s face it, actors are stingy, and unless it’s done like Harry Potter where the films start and build the actors’ reps in the biz, The Dark Tower, I’m afraid, would be quite the contrary. They are not children, and a familiar face would be a nice touch for promotion. Who doesn’t want to see Brad Pitt play Roland? Or Shia LaBeouf play Eddie Dean? People respond to this kind of consistency, but is a top actor is really going to get behind something for 7 or 8 films? Very, hard, and you can’t just go subbing actors in and out like some sort of a football game. If they don’t want to spend the time, why should I? Ahem, just look at what happened to the first run of Batman films. Enough said. Oh and don’t go thinking that those actors above are who I would definitely cast, perhaps consider.

Although, the director would have a field day with visuals, who really could direct? Who wants to take on, and be responsible for organizing this series into a coherent satisfying film, for both, readers and moviegoers alike? Who is going to keep it fresh, and take the risks needed to make the films in the best way possible?

Who has got the balls?

I

A Missed Target

The big metaphor, is really, a testament as to how and why King writes in the first place. It’s not the whole point, but, it is implied, the reader knows that this story is King’s most personal, and almost stands as a lesson for the journey of living life. As just your average reader of the series, and the only books I’ve read of King’s, I found it to be a bittersweet telling of how one can find happiness right where they are, but doesn’t. We as people spend so much of our time striving to becoming more endowed, and fulfill our false sense of happiness, that the little charms and romances in life get lost in the shuffle – and how those little things come back as sweet memories causing heartache and regret later on. It’s this simple, but, powerful message that could be “wiped out” completely from the movie, and it’s a biggie. Again, it’s not exclusively what you should take away, because I felt very satisfied with the ending, that I did not so much need this lesson, but it made the experience that much better. I fear this would be hard to capture on screen in the midst of all the violence, and disorienting special effects.

Sometimes movies just can’t cut – the – muster, and become more about visual gratification, that story gets lost. And such is life; because in a way the whole point mirrors the contradiction of movie making itself that it truly becomes the point all over again. But, who cares, right? I will admit this: I missed the true meaning of The Lord of The Rings, because I was so distracted with action and visual, that the themes became confusing, and hard to follow. Movies have a responsibility different from novels, only events can be displayed, but intimacy within the characters mind, generally, cannot. So how could you satisfy all of the importance a good story has into a film? I don’t think that you can – at least not entirely when it comes to novels, then, say, a screenplay written specifically for film. Sure, the ending would work out just fine, but as it’s been said, and so often the case, the book is always better than the film.

Remember, Roland never misses his target, so the Director would have to be a gunslinger too.

NOW, having said all that, The Dark Tower Series, if done correctly, would make a fantastic film, both visually and morally. Its biggest obstacle: the question of how? And perhaps may remain in a limbo of questions for all eternity. But, chin up, we still have the books, and what else do you really want? What else do you really need?

Best,

- Pinstripe15

I’ve posted some fan made trailers from YouTube below, enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-66hqisIdsU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z24Qp1Wayfo